It's Science (II.0)

As in all family types, there is tremendous diversity within gay and lesbian families in terms of family patterns, forms, and membership. No two families are ever alike, however similar they may seem superficially. As Kertzner (2004) writes, “Lesbians and gay men are defined by many sources of social identity beyond that of sexual orientation; in addition, homosexuality continues to shape the life passage of many lesbians and gay men in adulthood and provides ongoing sources of meaning in public and private spheres of work, relationships, and beliefs. Furthermore, many adults find freedom from conventional social norms liberating and maintain this conviction through the life course” (p. 108). For some adults, the rewards of coming out and being out as a source of meaning in life diminish over time, and they may feel increasingly distant from gay and lesbian social worlds that once gave them a sense of identity and direction in life (Kertzner, 2004).

Traditionally, gay and lesbian families were not child-centered if one or both partners had not been previously married. This is changing somewhat as more lesbians are opting to have children through donor insemination. In some cases, both women in the relationship choose to bear children. For gay couples, adoption is still very difficult because most states have either very restrictive or outrightly prohibitive policies to prevent gays and lesbians from adopting children. However, research consistently has shown that gay and lesbian families are as successful at carrying out family roles and tasks and raising healthy children as other types of families (MacCallum and Golombok, 2004; Patterson, 1992).

Some researchers believe that gay and lesbian families go through different life stages than other families because of their sexual orientation and the discrimination they face (R. J. Green, 2004; Solomon, Rothblum, and Balsam, 2004). For example, forming and maintaining a homosexual identity often entails establishing a greater independence from parental expectations, conventional social norms and gender roles, and social scripts that have narrowly defined relationships and families (Kertzner, 2004). The social and cultural climate of the modern gay rights movement, historic shifts in social attitudes toward homosexuality, and the emergence and transformation of the HIV epidemic has shaped the life cycle for many gays and lesbians (Kertzner, 2004). While there are many socially prescribed roles for males/fathers and females/mothers in families, same-sex couples lack clear traditions or guidelines for role and task decision making. This has its benefits in that it allows for tremendous role flexibility. However, it also introduces more uncertainty and complexity into role negotiation, and it can be frustrating to continually challenge prevailing notions of family structure and function.

Laird went on to point out that gay and lesbian families differ from others in at least two important ways. First, most of these families are headed by couples, although some are headed by single parents and others by multiple parenting figures. Second, these families are often stigmatized as inappropriate family forms, which presents them with unique challenges. For example, although gay and lesbian single parents face the same issues of finances, time constraints, and dating as most heterosexual single parents, the prospect of forming new long-term relationships is complicated by society’s judgment of gay and lesbian families. Two-parent gay and lesbian families with children from previous marriages deal with similar important issues as stepfamilies. However, there have been instances in which custody or visitation rights were not granted to a parent on the sole basis of his or her sexual orientation. This kind of discrimination can have a powerful influence on the decision-making process of gay and lesbian individuals and families. Imagine the stress of living with the fear of losing your children due to your sexual orientation.

Analyses of ads yield some interesting findings. Women offer physical attributes (beauty, appealing body shape) and seek financial resources whereas men offer financial and occupational resources and seek physical attractiveness (Cameron and Collins, 1998; Jagger, 2001; Sheldon, 2007). These findings are consistent with traditional gender roles and mate-selection strategies.

Older people consistently report sexual satisfaction from a broad spectrum of sexual behavior in addition to intercourse, such as caressing, holding, kissing, and other activities that involve both physical and spiritual intimacy. As people age they can often become free of the concerns that interfere with sexual intimacy among many younger people such as the need to ‘prove’ oneself with sex, risk of pregnancy, and obsessions with performance and orgasms. As they age, many people come to value sexual relationships in a more holistic sense. They increasingly view sex as being far more than genital activity (Kelly, 2008; Lacy, 2002).